Listen to the Beat

Oh "Say Anything". Interesting song. Tis be called "wow I can get sexual"

OMG if you don't have school on wendesday. CALL ME and entertain me in the car. I'm going to be traveling forever and so I guess the majority of the time I'll just be reading but if you could just call the cell and be like "Hi" I'd be like "AHHH HI!". I'll apologize now for screaming into the phone.
hehe.
I'm feeling a wee bit better. I'm trying to zone out when I have to deal with parental issues. It's better to be in the dark to what's going on. Honestly it is.
Lexi and I are going to hang out tomorrow with Sasha and Taylor maybe. That'll be cool.I think a lot of that other post was a lot of PMS. It's been like 2 monthes over due and FINALLY. I love how I'm posting this into cyberspace. but yeah.
I'm going to be 16 soon. I want to drive. I'll drive away every weekend and chill with peoples and be like "oh yeah mom be home Much later". I've kinda decided since she keeps telling me I'll have to choose between the 2 of them to tell them both it's both or none. They should learn to deal with each other for at least a couple hours and my mother needs to stop with the fucking tears.
yes you spent 19 years with him
yes he's an ass
But god damn. Move on woman. Susan B Anthony would bitch slap you.
hahaha. That'd be kinda funny.
I said kinda. so chill.
In happier news. ha I went down a couple dress sizes. So I'm all "BRING ON THE TURKEY!" Oh yeah
yours truely has found a love (and hidden talent if I might add) for cooking. beth you know how you said to focus on acting. hahaha no. It makes me nausous thinking about it sometimes.so I am going to be cooking the thanksgiving turkey with the help being from lauren. I totally want my own Food Network show. I dunno what I'd do (cook obviously) but maybe something like have someone like Pete Wentz cook with me. I think that'd be fun. he seems cool. but watch it be like :
Me- what do you wanna make
Him- Peanut Butter and Jelly
Me- it's a half hour show..that takes like 2 seconds.
Him- slow mo then.
I'm giggling now. I'm freezing so I'm shaking. It must look like I'm high.

I WANT YOU ALL UP HERE WITH ME THIS SUMMER!
MAKE IT HAPPEN PEOPLE!
I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SHOW YOU!
IT'S INSANE!

So I've basically planned it out.

June (whatever)....4 30 a.m. Sarah gets up, leaves a loverly note saying "be back later going to megan's" and then drives to Kauanys (where ariel will be) and they go to pick up beth. All leaving the same note only "with Sarah" is added. or not. whatever. pay attention. you mapquest directions the night beofre and follow those and BAM! your here. we party. I show you EVERYTHING and we party some more. =) The plan is more elaborate in my head. it involves trench coats and like scooby doo but this is the basics.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Oh I wanted this dress at banana republic and when I went to get it today. It was gone. I wanted to cry. I've been thinking about this dress for weeks and it wasn't there. Oh it would have made the perfect dress for whatever. you can dress it up, dress it down. I am loving dresses right now.I'm like trying to find really unique ones so if you see something amazing. get it and I'll pay you back. I totally will. Unless it's hideous then you're stuck with it. but I trust your judge me.
So yeah I tried to whore Ariel and Beth today. but I have no influence over my myspace friends it seems. morons. they should do what I say.
OMG its 11. I'm sleepy
night motherflowers

0 Listen @ 10:36 PM

There's so much pressure. The pressure to be good in school, to be able to show a goddamn reaction on camera, to get my dad to come back. I can't handle it. I'm a person who can't stand conflict. I constantly just mold to everyone else than just say what's different about me. Call me pathetic but whatever. I've become to apathetic to everything. I just want to spend my days curled up in a little ball in bed with Food Network on TV. I want my parents to get back together. I want to be able to act out a damn emotion. I want to get all A's at least once in my god forsaken life. I want to be good at something. I want to start over again more than anything. Like when I moved here, I could be anyone I wanted and at Wilson. I became a shadow. Then here at LVPA....same thing only people know me. They don't actually know me. Few do. A lot of the things I say outloud are things I heard on TV, movies whatnot. My true opinions are inside. There's no point in telling them. It's like JJ said "no one actually cares what you think unless you're agreeing with them" and I totally get it. I can't stand looking in the mirror. All I see is someone else. I seriously wish that at one point in my life...I could just...be me. God how cliche. And that won't ever happen. Hell maybe I'm a better actor than I thought. I've lied to everyone about me. Acting is just a watered down justified version of lying. So yeah here's the post I've been meaning to write. Enjoy it. Savor it. Chew it up then spit it out.

1 Listen @ 4:50 PM

Okay.
so ive been pestering everybody on if I am manipulative. at first denial. and the stages were seemingly shorter than i expected. but i now realize that rah was right in saying im manipulative. i know now that its not bad that i am b/c its not like i use it for hurting other people. but kinda to help myself and them. but in helping myself. that doesnt make me selfish or concieted does it? b/c i know i dont think im better than everyone else. and i try to give as much as recieve. i do try. i mean just the other day i gave hunter the bigger piece of cake. its the little things that matter. and i give back to the community by a buttload and i help out my friends when they need me. so i doubt im completely selfish but i'm not sinless. i have my moments.

i have huge news. im saving up for my own laptop. it might take awhile. but im going to save my babysitting money and request checks each time and place in an envelope and wait untill i have enough money to buy one and then ill pout in into my account and then buy my own laptop so i can RP whenever i want to. and homework and stuff like that. but it'll be mine. how much is internet anyways? i need to find out all the costs.

okay so update on my love life.

musical love life- everyone with a brain should know william beckett fits into this catagory
thespian love life- is and always will be jeremy sumpter aka peter pan
actual love life- john pfeufer. yes merm. the guy who sits in front of me. i might like him more than william beckett. I KNOW. its a close call. too soon to say for sure but i do like him alot. i think he likes me too.

this is short but im updating.

beth is signing off.

1 Listen @ 6:59 PM