Listen to the Beat

If you could only see how angels fall without you there. Well somebody told me "Why dont you all fade away"I close my eyes, begin to pray and practiced all the things I would say. Everything I believe is fading, I stand alone. I've been everything you want to be. Tonight you told me "I'm so excited I can't wait to meet you there." When the truth is found to be lies feels like I'm knockin on heavens door. But I aint seen nothing like him, I just want you to know who I am. Just as things were looking up she had to ride the heat of passion. We call them weak and through the bedroom door she reaches for the pistol kept in her dresser drawer.Her lungs are full of fire. Its hard to deal with the pain of losing you.Give me a reason to end this and hear the cry of youth. And thats what you get for falling again, your born to suffer. And your all alone paying debt to karma. Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away. Do you tell lies and when the hitman comes you leave without a trace. Its better to burn out then fade away. Pour some sugar on me cause you had a bad day.

"I'm scared shitless, but I'm still fearless"

0 Listen @ 8:21 PM

First of all I'd like to apologize to megan for not labeling my thingys. Sorry. Now what? I read the entire 12 Sharp book in one day. Wahoo. It. Was. Awesome. Anyway. Lately me minds been wandering down the long dark hallways of my head. And I guess it found a movie theater. For the past few days tons and TONS of scenes keep getting played out in my head.Over and over and over. Movie scenes, tv scenes, scenes from real life, imaginary scenes that my brain wished i woulda done or like imagining. ~sigh~ Sometimes it gets so bored. Why can't it run on a wheel all day like a hamster or something.Ugh. Its not that I hate all the imaginary stuff. It just makes me feel even worse about myself ((as if that was possible ~gasp~)) cause I know life will never be like that. Reminds me of the Goo Goo Dolls song Iris "When everything just like the movies...yeah You bleed just to know your alive!" Its a great song ~sigh~ Now moving on.

Beth I have noticed how so many of our entries are depressing. But I mean theres nothing we can really do about it unless we get happy. And from what I can see form the past few posts. Megan and Sarah have had happy times. Yay for ya'll. As for me I can't bloody think of anything happy except scenes that my mind comes up with... CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow...yumm. But alas that will never happen so long as I live in reality and therefore this entry is sad.

Has any one been watching Rockstar:Supernova? Its pissing me off and I swear its fixed. This one girl who can't sing to save her alive AND doesn't know/respect the band members music has somehow made it through two weeks. The band even kept her last week voting off Chris. Even though he sang AMAZING. ugh.

I lost my summer reading worksheet. Two fucking pages long back and front all filled in and its gone. Wahoo. As if life can't get anyworse. And now HOPEFULLY I will be able to find it. If not. Then familia is going to school to ask for another one and if they don't have anymore I'm screwed and going to hurt myself..again.

Which brings me to another point. I'm fucking sick and tired of lying and hiding and faking. ~screams~ I can't take it anymore. I'm going crazy not being able to say what I want because of how you will react. Ugh. I just want to be able to talk to you guys because your my friends and not have to worry about what I'm saying. Altering what I really think to hide everything. I mean I understand your guys side but I just want to be free, man. Free to say what I think without having to freak out about the consequences((sp?)) of what I'm saying. I'm tired of acting like I stopped. I hate lying to you guys and I don't want to do it anymore. ~sigh~ I mean I have a cut on my arm right now. I'm just making myself feel better and I wish you guys would understand. Anyways my parents know so I don't want ya'll going bonkers telling your mom dad librarian and who knows what else. Just keep it to yourself or tell me. ~sigh~. Ugh thats it. I'm tired.((but can't sleep)) I'm sad.((Can't get happy)) I'm hungry.((don't care anymore..screw food.)) I'm thirsty.((im sick of water and thats all i have)) I have a headache.((and pills can't fix it)) And none of its going to get better. ~sigh~ I'm just glad I could get this off my chest. Peaceage out.

"We are what we are, no matter what we might wish to be, or pretend to be"

2 Listen @ 2:32 PM

So I was in Cracker Barrel for breakfast ((Yeah my family doesn't cook anything really. It's either we go out, take out, delivery or starve)) and my yummy pancakes and hashbrowns had just been placed in front of me, as had everyone else's food, when I look to straight ahead of me and there is a woman whipping out her big ol' boob in order to feed her infant.
Whatever happened to no public nudity? I mean this lady just pulled down the tank top, unlatched that part of the special brestfeeding bra and fed the kid. I didn't draw attention to it but the whole time, as it was in my line of view, it just bothered me. Couldn't she go do that in the restroom. I know the restrooms are small but then she could go out to her car and do it there. Then she wouldn't be bothered by anyone and she wouldn't be disturbing anyone.

Normally I have seen woman use a blanket to cover themselves but even that irks me. The fact is why don't they feed their child before they leave the house or they could get a breast pump and then put all that into a bottle and feed them with a bottle.

I was just scrolling through all the things I bookmarked on oma's computer and I keep seeing things for mommasmilk. I guess I never noticed it before but I'm guessing my aunt wanted to get a bill signed that way women could breastfeed in public legally.

God. the family I come from. Maybe I'm just being a little prude who sees a splash of nudity and spazzes. Though I don't think that's it considering there was a guy [who I'm guessing is there son] walking around the neighbor's backyard nude earlier. What do you think?

I don't think they ever got the bill signed and silently I'm thanking Beth's god for that.

0 Listen @ 11:20 AM

(Okay, i'll post something light hearted)
(i'm not crazy!)
(AHHHH.)

We blog to express ourselves and tell each other whats new/how we feel/and all that other jazz. So it would be it would be down right non-terrorist of me to not blog and inform all of you of my latest doings, right? Absolutely! Therefor it is my job- no, my soul bound duty as a blogging teen to announce to at least you my fellow bloggers of my latest doings.

Sarah went joy riding. And enjoyed every illegal reaking minute of it.

Now if any of you fallow in my foot steps, i will kill you. Then bring you back just so i can kill you again. Just like i would if any of you decided to commit suicide justsoyouknow. Cause i'm a mean mother hen who tends to be a bit vengeful.

in highnsight, yes, i am sorry i did it, it is not worth it; it was not worth it and it was stupid.

But i'm also not sorry i did it, because it was fun. it was a dangerous and could have gotten me killed or worst kind of fun, but i had a good time. We didn't go fast, we didn't do anything special. And really, i didn't even drive, but it was a hella good time. It was just us and that nice sound system blarring U2, A Perfect Circle, Linkin Park (who have to most amazing base in exsistance) and a dozen other bands gave us just enough to enjoy the ride around the neighborhood.

♥ [Sarah] ♥

2 Listen @ 2:12 AM

Wow. I wish I knew who put in those last two posts. I have an idea who they are but it'd be nice to be certain.
But I'd like to address that issue that we're all sad when we blog. erm. no,hun, not always. scroll down and reads. There are some Happy Days.
Lauren's in Myrtle Beach and she saw this band that she isn't allowing me to tell you all about because you'll tell others and GOD FORBID WE GET THIS NO NAME BAND SOME SCENE CRED.

hehe. I'll wait til I have my tee shirt and CD before I unveil the band. If they're even good.
But yeah.
I couldn't sleep last night. So took an Advil PM. Then like 20 minutes later *clunked out on couch asleep*. I ended up getting 12 hours of lovely sleep!!!! So I'm a chipper little megan. So full of energy. So happy, I could dance!

I talked to Weaver. She got her boyfriend trained to rip off his pants at the mention of the word "water". I was like good job. That'll come in handy in those so few moments in between classes.

Saturday I shall be home. I think I might try and get Ashli to go see Pirates with me. I doubt she's seen it yet and I am aching to see it again. Then I need to get something for Amanda's grad thing. We are not to go near the watermelon. Apparently its spiked. *giggles*
fun. fun. fun.
on the farm.
((Good thing I don't drink))

See Beth (who I believed to wrote that last entry since no one else mentions DJ) HAPPY!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Updated 6:15 pm~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ha. Ha. I pack horribly. Oma made me redo it like 5 time since nothing would fit. I have too much crap. Thank god we're not flying home. I'd be in a pickle but instead I got out my handy dandy trash bag and tossed most clothing in there.
Oh yeah and my new glasses. So so studious. Mum kept going on and on and on about something but I liked them so ha-za!

0 Listen @ 11:54 AM

well. summer is awesome. i must admit. Everybody on here is dreading school coming and so am i. not really school but the drama of marissa and DJ and Jessica and others. and i know some who may read this may say dont be friends with them yet these people are parasites and wont ever leave. like with DJ. his frineds are tailing me now. ugh. his frineds seriously would not leave me alone about it. and they havent met me before and choose to tell me that im close minded (a fact.) i wont have many life experiences, its going to stab me in the but (where i said its hasnt until u brought the subject up when u knew i got tense about it. she said i just im the bug in the but) and she said all manner of things and that made me scream. online. and then she says how caps mean nothing. and yall know me. i have a temper. i tell her shes bing rude. and SHE CALLS ME RUDE! argh so i ended it and blocked her and i cussed at her. but i had every right. but back to summer being cool. and peaceful.

okay. has anyone noticed no ones blogs happines. and that when we blog its usually about negative stuff. therefore we become negative b/c thats what were blogging about day to day and we become more and more negative. i thought that interesting. so y not try and be more positve. just a little and maybe life wont seem SO terrible afterwards.

beth is out.

0 Listen @ 11:16 AM

Howdy ya'll. I feel accomplished. I actually got to doing what I've been telling myself to do.. I drew well painted. But who cares about the technicalities. Its well odd. I've never really done stuff like this before but I mean theres a first time for everything. If I figure out how to work my scanner I'll put it up here. ITs not much.. but all I care about is that I finally got to painting. We also got the book 12 sharp! whcih i've been waiting for since the day it came out on june 20. This blog is gonna be just kinda there. Because My brains quite scattered and censored. So i'm all like -_-. I don't wan tto go to orientation alone.. well actually with family. I. Hate. It. They feel the need to drop by to all the teachers as if they are gonna be able to remember anything about me out of like hundreds of students honestly. They. Don't. Care. Ugh. Being depressed stinks. I'm so bloody sick of it. And yesterday I lost my 2 page summer reading worksheet. So I'm fucking screwed. I mean if we even find away to get another one. Then I'll probably have to reread the book cause I can't remember all those specifics. I. Hate. Life. I mean it was days like that ((the whole summer work thing just triggered all the annoying pain/depressing emotiony shit)) that my thoughts are all screwy and borderline suicidal. But lucky for me I will never end this pain b/c death is just to scary. Its pretty muych my greatest fear and thinking about dying one day makes me scared and naseaus ((Sp?)). But on a bit happier note I went to good will and bot a pair of sorta shiny pants that actually fit! Finally I don't have to wear the same pair because i'm to fat to fit anything else.. I also bought a skirt ((Causae i gotta put those fishnets to use)) and this black and white striped tank topish thing. Wahoo for goodwill type stores. So yeah. Thats sorta life in I guess I nutshell. But I don't liek that because it reminds me of a nut house ((which I'm sure to end up in. I think that idea puts a smile on my family's face)) so I guess thats sorta my life in a Coconut becuase they are just so much more friendly.

"Thats because your not as smart as us morons"

0 Listen @ 7:39 PM

erm that last entry....yeah..I don't want to get into it.
I noticed I blog the most on here. I figured that'd happen.
I leave for home on friday.
Part of me is happy.
Part of me wants to hide and hope that mother won't find me and go off without me.
Uncle Steve got pissed that I listen to a band called Morningwood.
But I happen to like the music.
So yeah.
He acted that way with MCR too. Especially when the first line of the first song on their first CD is "The amount of pills I'm taking counteracts the booze I'm drinking".
That one was tough to get him to just let. it. go.
My grandma thought that Patrick Stump was cute. She wanted to see more pictures of him. With my laughing the whole time.
God I can't til tomorrow.
New Glasses bitches!
I'm all excited about it.
I'm a nerd.
A nerd who hates contacts.
The things that are paying for my college.
Considering my dad help construct most of the Acuve stuff.
Glasses. Glasses. Glasses.
Whee.

0 Listen @ 7:19 PM

I'm the probelm.
It's all my fault.
They don't want me around anymore.
So I guess I'll save them the trouble and not be around.
Then they can all be happy.
A "Family".
All of them.
Together.

((Megan))

0 Listen @ 1:12 PM

so i can't stop watching pirates. i love it too much. *drools* im going to be tia dalma for halloween. there i called it.

if july isnt finished then technically it has really been a full seventh month right yet july is the seventh month but we havent had seven months b/c this one isnt done yet. right? i was having this strange conversation with tyson last week about it. he says july's the 7th month (which i already said) and i said yes but it hasnt been seven months YET. any thoughts from the outside?

well i found my blessed charger. in my book bag. yeah.

me hermano es tiene que un fiesta. im not going to be there. i'll probably hang out with stephanie or some of my guy friends. or both. i need money.

im bored.

peace out. a-town. *usher music come on*

0 Listen @ 11:35 AM

I'm going to the southern carribbean. Lauren, Oma and I are going on a 7 day cruise (in replacement of the european 2 week cruise) on this ship with like an ice skating rink (err not for me), a roller blading area ((ha! no)), a rock wall (( I leave Lauren there)) and a theatre ((AHA! home!)). I can't wait. Though Mum is being the world's biggest bitch. She keeps going

"It must be nice" *sigh*

God if I hear that sigh or that phrase one more time, it will be way too soon. I'm not going to let her emo-bitch ways get to me though. I am going to ignore her like I have done all day, even when I go home.
Now I'm kind of eager to get home, I know my room is a mess and probably smells like a garbage pit...I am dying to scrub it clean!!! And I'll go that while I take the advice of a dear dear old friend which was:

"Listen to sexy music, put on your highest shoes and get cleaning!...It's a lot more fun"

So I might do that. =) Sounds fun. Besides who wouldn't want to walk by my house and hear "IM WRITING TO YOU, BECAUSE I WANT TO....,OH FUCK YOU" hehe. Besides I haven't worn my platforms in ages. They need to be worn. Or I might break in all of my flats and heels. I bought these extremely thick wool socks to do this. But the question on my mind is? What the hell is an organic sock? Especially when the tag says that the cotton was processed in China. I was going to buy these but I felt that 20 bucks on a pair of plain ol' white socks was just....gay.
Tomorrow the little ones strike back! So I'll get to play with chase! WOOT! nothing is more fun than playing an extreme game of matchbox cars and thomas the train. hehe. I'm corrupting his little head. He always wants to play just like the little movies but god...train wrecks are sooo much more fun!!!!
But I swear this kid, once he gets into making the cars wreck..He comes up with some interesting (and humanly possible) ways to destroy a car. So I guess he teaches me, I laugh and act like a 3 year old. Fun!

M O
M O R
M O R N I N G W O O D
(A LITTLE LOUDER)
M O
M O R
M O R N I N G W O O D
(A LITTLE HARDER!)
M O
M O R
M O R N I N G W O O D
(LET'S GO0
TO THE NTH DEGREE!!

0 Listen @ 7:31 PM

Ah I do so agree with the pirates are sexy beasts thing. Johnny Depp is amazing and the ending has me desperately wanted the third movie! I want to see the movie again so I think I might drag some others to go see it with me again. It started out so gloomy today. What with Oma mad that we didn't go to church with her.
I'm curious, what is your opinion on doing your hair [or someone else's] in the middle of a restaurant??
I thought it was kind of a bad thing to do. I mean pulling your hair into a ponytail or out of one is one thing. But to full blown whip out a hairbrush and begin braiding? err. Don't we normally like get disgusted when hair gets on the food?
I was also wondering.
Did anyone know that Brooke was pregnant? I got this pic from her myspace when she changed her display name to Brooke and Baby. and then the bulletin about how she couldn't post the pictures she wanted to yet. But as soon as I saw this one I was like "wow..She got knocked up"

I wonder what made her decide to actually have this one?
If that story she told me was true [doubtful]...
You know something I read today...really kind of stuck with me.
It was mainly about how people obsess over people then get pissed when they actually have a life.
Ex- Mikey Way getting married and how so many people joined this group that said how much they hated his fiancee when they hadn't met her. Now I've never done anything like that but I got to thinking about how I always pick one thing and just obsess over it for 3 years then drop it and move on to something newer
Example- Rupert Grint...Harry Potter.
Now I can't stand either. especially considering the last movie and the last book were ridculous. However I am reading the last book. I've put too much time and energy into this to just not see how it ends. I hope Harry dies. That would make me happy. Better yet. Take the whole wizarding world with him. But whatever. I believe my point was I think I need to quit with the Obsessive Compulsiveness and broaden my tastes. OR find something that isn't a book, movie, band,person, thing to obsess over. Maybe I can write something [and finish it...god knows I begin so many things] that isn't a fanfic. Maybe I'll delete my quizilla account and go elsewhere. Or not.
Oh well. My new lipgloss and I are going to paint my nails while watching Pride and Prejudice for the upteenth time. Maybe we'll fry my hair somemore and then curse Keira Knightley for being so skinny and then realise how much we love her because she is pretty and a masterful actress. But then we'll hear about how that Mr. Darcy guy was bewitched by her and sigh as he is so ...well..hot. and then be envious of her all over again

Wow didn't I just say I wasn't going to be like that.
Curse my hypocrisy!!

Oh well. If you can't beat it, Either get a metal pole or indulge it. I vote for indulge.

1 Listen @ 9:11 PM

the pirates movie was amazing. whoever reads this must see the movie and ignore the reviews b/c reviews are always wrong. but i wish my last name was swan.

1 Listen @ 7:58 PM

So...What to Blog...well maybe I'll start off with ariel's question. Why yes Ariel I do read the comments.
Okay so wow that only took 2 sentences to cover. Mom is here and she and I went to Dick's since I have gone through another pair of flip flops (like 4 this entire summer) so she thought that if I get some kind of sport-like flip flop I should at least be able to keep them for a month. We'll see. Oma say I walk to hard (O_o) and I wear them out that way. I think Old Navy and Target just can't keep make a decent flip flop to work for those of us who can't part from their flip flops over the summer. Yeah but so after that we went to Hot Topic. I begged her for pants, and she said "If you'll just shut up, I'll get them for you". So yeah I got my lovely new pants. And as she was paying for them, I went and got some earrings and some fire red hair dye and went to the other register and got them...Though I had to hide the hair dye in my purse. Oma would kill me if she knew I was going to dye it red again...I wish I had gotten the big bottles of Blue and Pink just so I could have them on hand if I ever wanted to streak it. I might get Weaver to come over and fix my hair. But yeah. The chick who I was talking to was nice. We exchanged MySpaces. It was funny. Her friend came over and asked "why are you giving your number to a minor"
Her- "I'm not"
Me- "It's MySpace"
Him- "Want mine?"
Me- "sure"
So yeah. That was interesting. And it was started by my tee shirt saying MySpace ruined Mylife. ^_^. *
Then after that. This little theatre geek went to go see Throughly Modern Millie. It's a wonderful play. At first I had my dout but Oh my god I was in love with it as soon as it was over. Ah, only in theatre can the girl whose been telling the guy that she was going to marry her rich boss, her rich boss love her best friend, her best friend get kidnapped by the hotel lady and sold into white slavery, the guy, the girl and the boss go to find her. The chinese helper guy saves the girl. Girl falls for chinese guy. They all catch the hotel lady. Girl and Boy fall in love. Boss is left alone. Boy tells Girl he's a billionaire. Well I guess it could happen in the movies too...But yeah I loved the play. And the costumes, I'm already wanting a 1920's flapper dress but now I am dying for one. I would KILL for one!!! well maybe not kill but I'd encourage others to seek revenge so close enough. The clothes were amazing though. The 1920's had the best fashion of all. The 80's were horrible. The 90's was bad. Now is pretty bad since its all mimicking earlier times only now our jeans Super Skinny Extreme Low Rise. Well at least that's the label I saw at Limited Too with Elena and Samantha.
I wish I had a time machine. I'd go back there with oodles of money (somehow) and then just live there and when the going got tough, I'd pop back into this decade. Wells I have to go to church.
((-_-)) then its off to see my johnny depp.

((So you know...All my titles are just whatever I'm listening too while I type this))

1 Listen @ 9:54 AM

somebody kill me now. my nose is running like a fountain, im excessively tired. im cold. i got kicked off the bed b.c it doesnt matter if i was already sleeping there. this has seriously been one of the worst parties ever. its like theyve completely ignored me right now i dont care. seriously i dont. i just want to sleep. get tonight over with. and go to pirates with ariel tommorrow and get away from hickville. i know im making this sound really cynical. but at 3 30 in the morning id like to meet someone who isnt cynical. im so sick of hearing about the guys of the group like ian and robby. and trey. OMG I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT TREY. i just dont see the point. and then i get more crap about dating alex. you know what. i dont care. so what i dated him for a week b/c i wasnt into him. ppl need to chill. i mean its not anyone's personal business to criticise who i like and i dont think theres anything truely wrong with him. i always have a great time. but whatever. i dont want to think about school. or marissa. or anybody. i only wish to think of sleep right now. and guess what they are STILL talking. as i said kill me now. and im so sick of being outcasted like its that way even at my church! for crying out loud. i dont really want to get into specifics but all my life im outcasted or left out. and i finally get a friend whos so awesome and she freaking moves away. i finally get a best friend and she cant even live here. and everything wonderful in my life isnt in florida. im sry if anyone is offended but id be able to part with most ppl in our "group" itd be hard to part with ariel and kevin since i consider them my best friends too. but seriously. i miss her so much it hurts. and i miss j almost the same but not as much. is it possible to not know what love is but feel those feelings toward a person. anyways id rather not talk about J. im having an introvert moment where i have to get away from people. i need to be alone and not talk. and im sure i was really crabby-sounding to them but IM TIRED. yes i know i have emphasized that point a lot. who really cares? i dont know what else to blog. im sure i scraped ther surface of most everything im feeling. okay sarah needed to come to this party so she could kinda ease some barriers. and besides i just want u here. and i really want to go home but its too late now. okay im going to read some more of these blogs. thanks for reading cynical, tired thoughts.

2 Listen @ 3:33 AM