Listen to the Beat

Kind of a pointless entry but then again, I never exactly ever make a point. If I do then..cool.
Anyways so I randomly decide, HEY I'm not going to actually to ask add myself to Mikey Way's friends on Myspace. INSTEAD I'm going to go to google and read it there. Mainly because this computer takes forever to log into myspace so I'd waste more time there anyways. So yeah May 12th 2007 is a day that keep reappearing in his blog. I guess that's the wedding date. Hmm now all I have to do is crash it. Nah...I'm not that evil. Hell I can't even go down a hallway without having everyone in a classroom look to see who is making all the noise in the hallway. Mainly because I was always humming (MCR no less) or "dancing" down the hall. Oh it was a sight. I made friends that way though so hey whatever works right? Yeah but so Mikey's blog is interesting. I wish he'd blog more..there's like 6 entries. He informed all who are all "I HATE ALICIA" (his fiancee...I can't spell so yeah...you can figure it out my dear friends) to go get a life. I wish I could but I locked myself out of my bedroom somehow (odd since I haven't been upstairs since we got back from the hospital), I'm staying right here in my little cozy grey computer chair. I cut off a piece of my hair in extreme boredom. It's under all the other layers and you can't tell but still. I wish I hadn't of done that. It was rather stupid. Though at least I'm not inhaling hairspray to get high to rid myself of boredom. It's amazing some of the things these idiots will do. Then when they die, well at least when this one chick did, her mom tried to blame it on Myspace. She was like "SHE LEARNED EVERYTHING ON MYSPACE". Personally I can't wait til Tom gets sick of all this and opens up a can of whoop ass on every parent, teacher, lawyer, and/or church thats ever blamed Myspace for a teen being a moron and getting hurt somehow. (to put it nicely). I hate how people blame myspace when its there own little moronic kids fault. Apparently they sucked as parents and didnt teach there kid any values or they didn't keep a tight enough watch on their kid, otherwise I doubt that a lot of these kids would willingly go meet with a 40 yr old man! Too bad so many are too stubborn to admit that they were wrong. Then we could move on and work on other issues.
May I ask what is with everyone who is going to be a sophmore giving advice to the soon to be freshmen? I dunno if there are oodles of BT people doing it but like god, here everytime I look at the MySpace bulletins its like "Dear Freshmen" "A word of Advice for freshmen". And its just a random chain thing. If they really wanted to give them advice, they'd shut up, quit posting that crap and let them figure it out for themselves.
Other than the main points of:

You're not going to marry the person you dated in High School (Though it does happen, It's rare) So don't work your panties into a nasty wedgie over whoever.
Try and do your best in the academics department...Even a C is passing
Just. Don't. Have. Sex. But. If. You. Must. Wear. A. Bloody. Condom!!!

But yeah, that's the main advice I would give Lauren, if she even asked for it. Personally I would hate to be seeing all those bulletins. It would probably make me worry. Not like breaking out into a cold sweat, constantly watching over my shoulder, trying to remain as hidden as possible kind of worry but still. God I want school to start. I'm excited? Yeah I'm excited...give me 3 more weeks and I'll be begging the snow gods to like freeze everything so I can prolong the entrance into the new school. I need to call Ashli but I get busy doing other things. I bet she thinks I'm a complete bitch since I haven't spoke to her since the carnival but she knew I was going to West Virginia so I mean if my cell phone decides not to work all the time since its too far away from "home" and I don't...no can't memorize numbers, that's not really MY fault is it?

Is it?

ugh I bet you're all nodding. -_-. http://www.skeletoncrewonline.com/sc/uniforms.htm ha! I found Mikey amongst all the models. It's like a bad game of Where's Waldo? I also urge to buy this stuff because we teenagers need the economy to regain itself and there is no better way than that than to blow all our money and quit investing and then have the companies have to remake it all and buy materials, ultimately regaining the circle of money. Hell, If I get Elton John to sing a song about it, It might actually work...then again...Maybe a newer dude might work better. I just spent nearly 300 dollars of hard earned babysitting money (Hard-earned being- bringing over Disney DVDs telling the kids to "SSSH" and watch the movie and make sure to feed them yogurt at 8 and be in bed by 9 every wendesday from January to June) at the mall buying the most random stuff ((dresses that I have nowhere to where, a blow up chair that is 6 feet high, more shoes that I'll probably put in the closet while I destroy my converse and so so much more))

Hehe. Sweet set up. She wanted me to do it twice a week this school year. I might do it. That would be 40 bucks a week. It's not that bad for just mall money. and considering the fact that Opa promised he'd get me a car. (YES!) I want a hybrid just so I can be cheap and not have to spend so much on gas. At least you guys don't have to have mandatory car check up things each year at like 150 dollars (or more...I'm going by dirt cheapest from the internet) a pop. I think I might try and find some cheapo mahcanic (sp? This isn't a good day for me to be spelling) to like look it over and just sign the papers and only cost me like 80 bucks? That'd only cost be 2 weeks of babysitting. ugh why am I even thinking about this? I can barely work the damn car. Let alone drive it somewhere where other people and cars might be!! Yet I'm already worried about paying for it. Least I plan ahead. Like Kauany said Fate, Luck and Santa love people who plan!

I think I have rambled enough today...I might go see if I can get into my room tonight. Fat chance. I bet I'll be stuck in these clothes and I'll smell and ickk. I wish I was going to Warped this summer. Though I'm sure I already missed it...Oh no I didn't it's August 4th...I'll check ticketmaster and then beg and plead and whine and cry and do whatever it is I have to go..I am dying to see AIDEN perform again. Actually I think I'd rather see Warped in New Jersey on the 3rd. New Jersey is so much more fun. Though the drive would be freaking murder, what with my father and all. Unless any of you merry men would like to somehow make it up here and come with me =)

ehh? ;)

Does anyone actually care for Ashlee Simpson's new song?

2 Listen @ 6:51 PM

City Noise has got to be my most favorite song in this entire world. And then DeathDying-InHighSociety's fanfictions are fabulous (especially now that the 3rd part has come out). Though she really can make your brains rattle. Some tend to be liking But Does Anything Matter? Aside from Ariel. So I'm in a good mood....good enough to be writing chapters.

Anyways but what has my panties in a bunch is that fact that my mother is coming to pick me up. My uncle, Oma and I have been talking and I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to be going home at least...not yet. But I am, She's on her way here now. Ugh. She only wants me to come home because A) Lauren is going to Myrtle Beach for a week with a friends. B) I have been away for a month and C) well she's pulling all this "You're going to be going to college soon, I don't have many more summers with you" Bullshit. gahh.

Anyways so Opa was in the hospital today..Oh it occurs to be I didn't update on wendesday (if I did...oh well). The doctor says that he doubts that Opa has cancer. And when they did this one thig today, he said that he didn't find any growths or tumors or lumpy things.

So I kinda like "So I've been in this hospital for 4 hours...why?"....and then more to the point "IM MISSING A 2 WEEK CRUISE AROUND EUROPE FOR NOTHING?!?!?!?!"

Oh well...Oma promised that we will do it next summer regardless if there are any more cancer scares...whoever gets the scare will just have to deal with us galavanting across europe. =) It made me smile and I got to hang out with my uncle so that was fun.
I am getting so sick of teenagers who still say duh...Yes I know I am being a hippocrite (I am not caring about my poor spelling) as I from time to time do in fact use the term but all of those that do...oh my god its getting on my nerves...and its mainly coming from these ghetto chicks.
Oh well..

Hmm I had a whole bunch of things I wanted to ramble on about.
But I suppose that there will be more once I get home. =(
I want to see Pirates of the carribbean.
very badly.
I'll do anything to see it
Well maybe not anything
but I want to see Johnny Depp.
So I guess since we can't leave opa alone for 24 hours- or until will sure all the medicine that they had to give him to stick the thing down his nose and into lungs has worn off, I'll go write
and Ariel can read it
and be jolly
I like making others jolly.
Makes me feel like santa
Only not AS fat.
Though George Bush's medical staff has labeled me Obese
According to this NEW weight chart. I am supposed to be in the 115-120 range considering my height...umm yeah...no...I'm like not that
So it says that I'm Obese.
Maybe its just me
but I always used that term for people who were so fat that they can't walk and they have to use a wheelchair to get around.
But thats just me.
Anyways personally if I think about it..If I dropped to 115..or even 110 like they want...I'd be boney...and I'm sure I'd loose my boobs too. Can't have that now can we?

^_^

1 Listen @ 3:27 PM

School is just around the corner.... Oh yay. A little less than a month and it's back to that place that looks like a prison. I mean i swear that frickin' place is a prison disguised as a school. What do they think we are, juvenile delinquents!?!? I mean come on, make the school a bit less prisony and a bit more friendly, ya know? Paint some flowers, or bunnies, or platypi, maybe even some pie... I wish that some of the to-be 9th graders could read what I'm about to say, because all the crap that everyone says about highschool is just that: crap. I swear, the first day of school we should have a big huge 100 ft. banner that says something along the lines of "Ladies and Germs, Welcome To The Underworld!!". And for added irony they should have large smiley faces next to the the sentence. Just to creep out the Freshies. And to see how many other people actually agree with that sentence. They might be surprised. Or not. I mean some people (like my friend down in Palm Bay) loves going to school. She says that she loves the drama cuz she doesn't get enough of it in her life. What the heck!?!?!? How can you love drama??!?!?!? How can you love something can cause so much chaos!?!?!?!??!?!?! Think about it. Aren't wars nothing more than a dramatic display of explosives going on for a dramatic, and sometimes good, cause? Don't people, be it at school or within our own families, make some of the days a living nightmare because of their drama? Aren't fist fights and cat fights nothing more than an over the top show of power over something as ludicrous as a dude or looking at someone the wrong way?
I know that there's a month before school starts, but I can't help but dread it. It's kinda like the evil version of Christmas. You know how you get uberly excited about Christmas months in advance? That's kinda like how school is for me, except I don't get uberly excited about it.
Speaking of Christmas, I should start making my list. Why? Because luck, fate, and Santa Claus favors the prepared. Why do you think little kids get mountains upon mountains of presents when Christmas morning rolls around?? Because they write a mile long list of presents that they want on the 2nd of January, and they're ready to present it to the parentals on the 3rd. And because they do that, they are sure to get at least half of the junk they asked for. Plus they factor in puppy dog pouts, the "I love you, you're the bestest parent ever" phrases, and the kisses and hugs, and BAM! they have Christmas presents in the bag.(No pun intended)
Holy cow, little kids are frickin' sales people.
You know I find it very interesting that "Nemo" means no one or nobody in Latin. See I got bored beyond belief one day and I found a Latin translator and I just started typing in random words into the thing and next thing you know, I found out what nemo really means. Wonder if Pixar and the band Nightwish are aware of this....
I really need to go to Disney World or something. It's insane how people in Florida go to Orlando a heck of alot less than people who don't live here. We haven't been to Disney in about 2 years now, and the last time we went to Sea World was about 8 years ago. I mean it's only two hours away, surely someone can make some time to go there, right? No, because something always manages to get in the way of things. The only time we really go to Disney is when we have some over. It drives me nuts.... And then when we decide to move to Antarctica or some weird wacked out place for no reason at all, that's when the parentals will start missing Disney World. Isn't it ironic how we miss things when we don't have them there, but when they are there, we either could careless or we get unbelieveably annoyed by it? Why are things that way? Why do we want it all but at the same time, we don't care for it? It just doesn't make any sense. But then again, the older you get, the less life makes sense. The minute you figure something out, something else pops up that you have to decipher. Life is an unsolvable puzzle, but yet we still try to make sense of it. And why does it have to be a puzzle? Why can't it be a drawing? Or a painting? Or a never ending song? Or a story? Or a video game? I mean it's not all black and white, right? There are many, many shades of grey. And why do we use the expression black and white? Can't it be green and red? I mean they are opposites on the color wheel, and the world itself isn't black and white unless you're color blind. And even then there are many shades of grey. So really, nothing can truly be black and white unless it's clothes, and even then there are different tones of black and white. So really, I just contradicted myself there, which is something I've been doing alot lately.
Also, has anyone noticed how this thing doesn't have any smileys??? I mean, I know I can make my own, but they should have their own set of smileys, ya know? Alot of the time smileys can better convey a point that you're trying to make, and they always say that a picture is worth a thousand words.
But really, making a picture is way too hard. As much as I love doing so, I'd rather write. Mainly because I'm not like those amazing artists that can perfectly convey what they're feeling through a picture. I've never had the ability to make a picture when I'm feeling some sort of emotion. I can be as angry as heck or the happiest I've been my entire life, but if I try drawing something, then God help me cuz nothing's ever gonna appear on that piece of paper. Something's that's been bothering me is how the people that I draw aren't smiling anymore. On the off chance that they do, it's a weird kind of smile. Maybe there's something wrong w/ me, like my brain's trying to find some way of telling me that something's up.
Or maybe I'm just delusional and I should just shut up...

I don't want to waste my time
become another casualty of society.
I'll never fall in line
Become another victim of your conformity
And back down.

*SUPER SPECIAL SIDE NOTE: the thing wouldn't let me post icons....T^T

1 Listen @ 12:33 PM

okay so i have finally blogged. everyone happy? i thought so.

my life right now isnt boring. it isnt sad or depressing. im having the ride of my life right now. ive havent been as shy as i usually am and ive met quite a few people. and im loving every minute.

theres one month until school. just one month and this summer is going fast. before you know it, we are back to drama, ughness, and more arghness. hmph.

then again.

were all going to be sophmores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!

i have this feeling that this year is going to be awesome. i mean maybe it wont and maybe it will. and i guess im just exicted and in a great mood about life that my blogging skills are being horrible. but really. i cant wait. we have our whole lives ahead of us. were going to be making something of ourselves and im startign this year. im going to be in a band, interior design classes, going to pilgrimage classes for next summer, turning sweet 16, hunters going to be a teenager soon. i still cant believe my kid brother is going to be a teenager.its amazing. and i might even see my future husband. and i know yall know who im talking about. i love him. i feel like im on a high right now. i think thats what life should be about you know, broading your horizons, reaching for your goals, doing what you love, living ur life to its fullest. this past year has been the best year of my life. ive had friends that loved me and i loved them back. i didnt get into any trouble and no one wanted to truely hurt me. im so thankful of that and it makes living in florida so much more bearable b/c i really hate living here. i really do. i was up in mountains a few days ago and coming abck to florida i started crying and i couldnt help myself b/c i just felt so at home there and never wanted to leave it and then we were in florida and i had to accept that florida was my home now and seriously if it wasnt for my friends and family and my life i have set now. i'd be gone.

so theres my first blog.

hope you enjoyed it.

theb

2 Listen @ 9:28 AM

Is it just me or does life seem to keep getting more emo and what not. I mean I keep breaking down more and more. And ugh. I am sick of crying. Its not like i have this awful life where everything is going wrong, you know? My moms not doing crack and my dad doens't beat me. Though they most certainly do want to hit me cause they tell me about it alll the bloody time. "Ariel some one should smack you" "you need to be beaten to death" etc etc etc. Ugh It gets so annoying sometimes listening to that. After a while you just don't want to hear it any more and wish they would just hit you. I mean as long as they don't hit my head((cause I need my brain cells)) then they should just smack me. Mum told me that she was probably gonna take me back to the therapist cause apparently I didn't get any better. And I'm still just as crazy and messed up as before. Great. Fun. As if thats going to drag me out of the pit of depression. Ugh. And it being the summer full of sun isn't helping either. Maybe I'm like some sort of mushroom or something((maybe thats why i like mushroom soup)) but the sun just drains my life force. And I've been having and upset stomach for a week. All i really feel like doing is dying. But w/e. Okay. I have other things to say but I can't really put them here. I'll just keep everything else in my head. peaceage out.

"If we're still alive in the morning, we'll know we're not dead"

0 Listen @ 3:29 PM

Oh and I'm sorry if this stupid thing takes up like an ass load of room. I don't know how to make it smaller and not so obese. [if sarah could use her mad skills and like fix it then...that'd rock]

4 Listen @ 6:25 PM

Well first there is this.

((for an odd reason this reminded me of Ariel))

Then there is this loverly website.
It's chalk full of good band info and tidbits. It's where I got the pictures of Mikey and Gerard. (Which by the way I figured out why I was so mad...Now all my posters aren't relevant and I can't say "well mikey Way wears glasses too"))

Worse comes to worst you can go to Quizilla and read my craptastic story.. If I haven't forced you to already..Which I think is just you Sarah and Kauany...

2 Listen @ 9:12 PM

Fuck emotions.
I am so sick of crying. I don't even know why I am crying so much. Ugh. Opa and I were coming home from Lowe's (and I was in my PJ Ozzy tee, jeans that I have worn like what 4 days in a row now and my hair sticking out all over the place...so I was loving that fact I got to be so lovely in public) and we were talking about how he was going to take me out into the country and just let me practice driving and what happens. Can you guess? I start tearing up and crying. What the hell is my probelm? Maybe I'm emo?
It sucks. And yesterday was a relatively good day too. We went and toured a mine and then I got this little costume jewelry tiara ring. Elena wouldn't sit still in the mine and be quiet so we recieve the upmost glares from those around us. I bet it didn't help when Chase kicked a lady in the head. Though that was more interesting than learning about a mine. Then again maybe that's just me?
Wow I've just been informed that if my opa doesn't go back to work. Then I get to wake up fucking early to walk in a god damn park. They better be prepared to be walking with a bitch because I am NOT a morning person. I'll try and be friendly but we'll see.
I want to go home. Though at the same time I don't because I don't want to go back to dealing with all the family probelms, right now they are just in the back of the closet. But as soon as I go home, Lauren will go back to being the one always out with friends. And I'll be the one home, listening to my mother while she cries. Not that I am going out with friends now, but I think you get my point. I miss my bed though, I miss not living in a suitcase. I miss not having to worry about if what I type others {*cough* uncle*cough*} read. I miss the fact that my parents don't really make me do stuff that I don't want to do. Like guitar lessons, if I told my mom that I didn't like them. She'd be like "well you don't have to go then". As soon as I get home, I'm selling that thing, amp and all the shit it came with. Anyone want to buy it? I'll be selling it over Myspace and Ebay so yeah. Tell people. It looks new still. I haven't played it at all really.. I'm an excellent excuse maker.
fuck the tears are coming again. I hate this. Why am I crying so much? It can't be normal!!
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I think I'm going to go see The Devil Wears Prada. Maybe that will make me feel better. Movies always seem to help me. Especially when the movie is about fashion.=) If nothing else works, Out comes the Frou Frou CD, the Ben and Jerry's and of course the paper and pen.

Raindrops on roses
and girls in white dresses
It's sleeping with roaches
and taking best guesses
At the shade of the sheets
and before all the stains
And a few more of
your least favorite things.

~~~~~~~~~~~[Update- 7:24 p.m.]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay so I am feeling SO much better. I took like an hour long shower (so kauany was partly right today I do take my sweet time in there...but I'm not wasting water as the glaciers are melting anyway) After that I completely felt human again. *cue the song "HUMAN AGAIN" from Beauty and the Beast*. Ah, also the fat jeans were too big today and the skinny ones fit beautifully. ((Which I loved)) Then as I said before, we went to see The Devil Wears Prada. Oh my god, it was a Fantastic movie. Get your ass' out of your computer chairs and go see it. Still though....Emotions can go fuck themselves over. =) I am hoping everyone else is feeling as happy as I am.

2 Listen @ 1:41 PM

Well hello ya'll

So before the loverly cookout guess who had a major meltdown that reduced me to crying, silent screams and clawing at various appendages. Yes that would be me. Ugh. That was fun. And I'm sitting here in the car crying and my mouths making all the shapes of screaming and I'm nearly stabbing a pen into my leg and stupid dad feels the need to pull the car over and ask me what's wrong. I guess I should be happy he cared but he probably only wants me to stop crying cause its annoying. mutter. I mean like I'm going to talk to him or tell him anything. And thankfully I made that clear cause I told him just that. Well we finally arrived at the cookout and I was fine after a loverly cool down conversation with my self. The burgers were good. And so was the water melon. And that was pretty much all I ate. I pretty much stayed inside in this chair in the corner of a small room reading and then playing Brain Age on DS. I mean I don't need to make an appearance plus it was hot and there wasn't any room more me to sit in a chair out there. oh well.

Now were painting me mums room and the computer room in which I am currently situated. It is now a darkish green color. I'm sure it sounds kind of icky but it looks nice. And mums room is being painted a lighter green ((cause her room and the comp. room are connected)) And we got 2 paint selection for the living room which I painted on the wall ((like as test patches)) and I think there gonna paint that room and even lighter shade of green. Ugh. TOO MUCH GREEEEEEN. I mean greens nice and all but I'm gonna go crazy in a mentally sound kind of way.

Wow. You know I feel quite insignificant with this little entry compared to all ya'll who write massive essays and well Beth hasn't posted anything yet so I can sort of feel slightly proud. ~shrugs~ And I feel the need to say that I agree that life is boring. And why can't something happen.. Well a GOOD something. Ugh. We give life to much of an expectation. We expect it to be this awesome thing cause our parents build it up so much when were little. And then we get older and we realize that there’s nothing all that awesomely great about it except that its better then dying. We’re always wanting certain things to take place and hoping that these cool things happen to us but it always seems to happen to someone else. So I guess YaY for that lucky bastard. ~sigh~ Well I’ll end this seemingly pointless and pessimistic post cause breakfast just arrived. And well I’m hungry. Peaceage out

“Who needs affection when I have blind hatred”

1 Listen @ 9:14 AM

The day today= boring.
Surprise, surprise. I really should stop expecting that something exciting will happen. You know, like a unicorn coming down from the heavens and saying "I am a pretty pretty unicorn and I yours to keep forever and ever". But of course that's never going to happen, because the most exciting thing my life will ever see is Kingdom Hearts 2: The Soap.(Sorry peeps, no link here. The way I see it, you'd have to be a crazy rabid fan like Sarah and I to really enjoy the genius ((or lack of)) of this "series".)
And speaking of peeps, I have to say that it really amazes me what people will do when they get bored. I thought we did some pretty weird stuff when we're bored, but this takes the cake. Stoned nerds and boredom do not go together very prettily, but at least we get to see some pretty entertaining, if not idiotic, stuff. Which is really something I need after watching a series as depressing and as difficult to understand as Evangelion. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed watching the show, but it's pretty deep and emotional... I felt that the creators really didn't do it justice by cramming the series into 26 episodes. Some parts of it weren't really explained all that well, so when I finished watching the whole thing, I couldn't help but tilting my head and saying "What the heck?". It probably doesn't help that On Demand decided to be stupid and skip about 5 of the episodes... I think that Evangelion should have been a two season ordeal so that way, they can tie the loose strings and introduce characters like Kaworu earlier. I really wish that they had brought him in way before... Even though he was probably a queer, he was my favorite character. I dunno, there's just something to him.... I hope that he appears in the movies, cuz if he doesn't, then there'll be a sad/angry fan in the house...
Anyways, there's really nothing to report... Aside from drawing on my wall (which is coming along OK) I have been sitting on my butt all day watching tv or movies. Well, attempting to watch a movie would be the more accurate phrase. See, I started watching GhostBusters, and the phone rang about six times while I was watching the movie. Now why is it that when I'm watching something that's ok to miss, like Danny Phantom or Fuse, the stupid phone doesn't ring. However, it decides to convienently ring when I'm watching a movie that I can't pause. Not only once, but as stated above, six. Six!!!! The phone is the root of all evil. And I would post some icons, but....I really don't have time tonight.
And that, as they say, is that.
-K

0 Listen @ 10:55 PM

UGH! What is with this. First Gerard is now blond (AOL confirmed it for me), which has still stunned me and NOW THIS! Mikey is taking on that whole Brendon Urie look (he's from Panic! at the disco if you don't know). Oh my god. Next thing you know Ray is going to be shaving off his afro... oh dear god let's hope not...That would be...Oh god that would be horrible.

((A very very stunned My Chemical Romance fan))

1 Listen @ 11:36 PM

GERARD WAY CUT HIS HAIR AND THEN DYED IT BLONDE!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?! It was goregous before and...holy shit...what the fuck is with the trailer picture??? *reads the text for the picture* Oh thank god..this was for Head Automatica's video Graduation Day...since he does some of the vocals in the song but they cut his scene...*silently thanks god*. ugh I like his the way it was recently (see first pic). It was beginning to get long again. *weeps*

2 Listen @ 11:02 PM

As if it wasn't bad enough that I was up at 7 a.m., I was dragged to church. Me, personally, I find there is nothing for me in religion. But I went and I smiled for Oma's sake. She's got a lot to deal with currently so I figure it. I go to church for her and I learn to play that peice of crap, called a guitar for opa. Well I also have to learn the guitar because Opa said he'd get me a car if I tried. So yeah. It wasn't all that bad this week. It was all patriotic and I just zoned out and listened to this ex-marine go on and on. I got a lot accomplished though. I figured out what I would be wearing to Elena's birthday party today. [The skirt with the red roses and the black polo] What I was wanting for lunch.[Burger King] How many people had visible panty lines.[6...improvements...though I saw a lot of camel toes] How many men were balding.[15]. It's a small church and most people were probably on vaction too. Lucky them. I would be going to fucking Europe next week but things are continuing to make life hell. Not just for me, I'm not the one with the cancer but I mean still. IT WAS EUROPE!!!! FOR 2 WEEKS!!! ON A CRUISE!!!. I was looking forward to it ALL YEAR!! There's always when I retire. If I get to. Anyways so after the service I went home and watching some of Steel Magnolias and went on a small bike ride. Then got dressed and we went up to the pool for Elena's party. Wow nothing is more fun than watching a bunch of 7 year old's play in a pool and you can't go into that pool and cool off because of a stupid monthly cycle.
But I guess connie was right. "It's better than hot flashes and Cold sweats...Enjoy it while you can". They gave us a choice of Hot Dogs or Peanut Butter and Jelly. I took the sandwich...Someone asked me why I didn't want a hot dog. I told them I was a vegitarian. No, actually I said I can't stand the taste or sight of Hot Dogs. I regrettably trusted my uncle in telling him that I didn't like the guitar and didn't believe in god. Two known things to anyone who paid attention. He was all "You told the wrong person....So you're lying to them....honesty is best" and other BS like that. So lesson for today. Don't tell him anything like that anymore. which sucks too. I thought I could trust him enough to A) not mention it to Oma or Opa and B) NOT BRING IT UP AGAIN!! I didn't really think it was that much to ask. But I could be wrong. Fuck. I just remembered that friday is Amanda's graduation party. I really wanted to go too. But now I can't. I'm going to be here. Going to a mine most likely. So now I won't get to see Ashli, Lea, Britney, or Amanda. Maybe I can get Lauren to give me the number so I can call her. ugh! Is there anything I get to do this summer that is remotely fun??? Europe was cancelled. I can't go to ANY of the parties I planned on going to. And the whole going to Florida thing in place of Europe thing is down the drain because my mother can't trust my father to be home alone and not find some other women to fuck. ARGH! Are you kidding me? This year is turning out to really suck. Opa dies. I don't get to go to the funeral so I am still a mess from the death. Then 3 of my uncles and my aunt completely cut off all ties with us because they are only partly related to my dad and that relation died. I am stuck for the summer in the same place I was last year. I don't get to see what little amount of friends I do in fact have. My family is so messed up and filled with drama. We deserve an MTV reality show. I find out recently my oma is dating again. ITS NOT EVEN BEEN 6 Monthes yet!! Now this Opa may have lung cancer. Dear Mary, is it going to get any better? The doctors have yet to even do a biopsy on opa so there is a chance that all the shadows on the X ray and the other tests were wrong. Highly unlikely but you know one can only hope. I can't wait til college..I can go to Flagler and get away from everything. I think I have gone on enough. My posts seem to just be sooo long...So THE END

1 Listen @ 7:57 PM

Okay, so i'm going to go ahead and apologize now for the rant that is soon to follow. its probably not going to make sense and have angry teen-words in it (for i am angry teen, hear me roar). Plus i went to church. Organized religion annoys me; organized religion with a bone to pick makes me plain ol' pissy.

Gomenasai!!

i like my church; its in a trailer across from my old elementary school, the concragation is relatively small and close-nit, and i feel very welcome in the warm family enviornment it presents. We have not been going every week like we did around Easter, so the whole family got up early to go do the religious bonding thing at Lighthouse Baptist.

Only, my family can't seem to do anything without arguing about it first.

Being fourth of July weeked the service was patriotic in theme, which made me happy, i may be obsessed with anything Asian-oriented but when it comes down to it i'm a patriotic emohippiegangsta from the south who listens to all things music (word, yo). i was happy, until we got into political views, then Sarah started getting mad. it's at times like these that i realize what stubborn person i am. i'm not a my way or the high way kind of person, and i do listen to what other people say, but thats what i don't like about religion and politics; its black and white, there is no in-between, its all so absolute.

Well, abortion, same marriage, and God in government came back into play, the same three topics i'm rather touchy about.

if we are all human beings, we should all be treated as such, meaning we all get to make concious desicions about how we want to live our lives. Where as i don't support abortion, its taking away a living things chance to live, making it murder no matter how you look at it, but i do believe in a woman's right to choose whats best for her body. A woman should have that freedom of choice, we live in America that supports the ideal. if i woman gets pregnant and wants to have an abortion, why the hell should the state, or anyone else, stop her? is the state going to personally select a good home for the child when it gets put up for adoption? No.

it will be on her concious for the rest of her life, nobody elses, and certainly not a politicians.

No matter what anyone from a religious stand point says on the subject marriage is not a sacred binding of two people, at least not anymore. Margret Cho explained it best; if someone like Brittany Spears can go marry a guy she new in High School on a whime in Las Vegas, then just as quickly get a divorce, why can't two people of the same sex get married to? At least, unlike the sex-drive pop princess, the gays actually love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together just like any normal couple, maybe even raise children together. Todays view on marriage in America is an agreement by two people to share money and raise the next generation to think such.

A family should be defined by love, not a buisness agreement.

God is great and all but this is America; land of the free, home of the brave, founded in the pursuit of happiness, suppoused country of religious tolerance. Though our founding fathers, who were undoubtedly fanatic Christans, wrote a documant that forever changed the world, somehow their plan was flawed. They were still only human, we all are, whereas God is eternal, all powerful, loving and smiteful. The bible was written by man in what he believed to be God's will on earth, making some of what it says a little less believable. Why would God forsake any of the children that was surely created for a purpose? How do we know for sure God hates and does want gays to get married; God loves all of his children, he created us all, one by one, with a specific path to fallow through life. How do we know that the ones writing the bible were infact writing God's word, or their own idea that same sex love was evil?

i think God's a profesional chemist, but has no place in politics. (end rant).

After a long day of cleaning, and a lot of other not so fun stuff, i'm ready to call it a day. And its only 5:20.

Wow, i'm old.

My wave of relatives hit me full force tomorrow. 10 of us will be sqeezed into our family-of-4 size house, and thats no including Sam and anyone else that i decided to have over to meet the family; but Sam's practically family, so she doesn't count.

(sorry for taking it upon myself to make things for the blog gals; please take a moment to fill our your stuff for the site. if you don't know how to make it show up on the blog, just post the information in a comment and i'll take care of it)

♥ [Sarah] ♥

2 Listen @ 5:29 PM

So howdy. This is me first post on this here site thing. So YAY! And a big gold star to those of you who made this thing. I don't have much to say here but i felt like i had to post something. Maybe later when ideas come to me i'll post something a wee bit more meaningfuland worth reading. Speaking of reading.. Read The Face by Dean koontz. Today I HAVE to go to yet ANOTHER cookout ((what is it with my family and cookouts..ugh)) but i don't want to. I guess I'll spend this one doing the same thing as the other.... Sitting inside against a wall reading. Great fun. Especially if ley-chan will allow me to read her birthday present. Well. Peaceage out. And enjoy your day...a homemade blueberry donut is being presented to me.

"There was a small sitting room......in which no one ever sat"

1 Listen @ 11:06 AM